Too much awesomeness for one entry.

So yesterday I didn't even bother to turn my computers on except to change my facebook status and to check the weather. Which means I forgot to write the blog for day 9. All that means is that you get to read two VERY interesting entries in one day! Hooray! (hopefully I'll keep up from now on)

So without further ado, a list of my favorite bloggers for day 9:
I'm going to list my favorite 5 blogs in no particular order.

1) The Bloggess : Why should you click this link? Because it leads to hilarity. The Bloggess is a married with a child woman with a sense of humor that is one I can appreciate. Also, James Garfield is the shit. If you want to know what the hell that means, read her blog. Believe me, it's worth the time you'll spend checking out the links in her entries to understand some of what she's talking about.

2) Cake Wrecks : It's a blog about scary cake decorating disasters with funny commentary. The application of MST3K style commentary on anything is sure to win my heart.

3) Pink is the New Blog : One of two gossip blogs that I read. Not every day, but if I'm feeling like wasting an afternoon doing nothing I sit and catch up on all the crap that I shouldn't care to know about but secretly do. The benefit of this blog is that it is not PEOPLE, which means it was written by a man. Win.

4) The Superficial : Staunch feminists beware, this blog is written by a straight man about celebrities (which means most entries are "so and so's boobs" or "so and so is in a bikini"). But with these headlines and the several photos of so and so's body is a scathing commentary that, I suspect, is meant to be a condemnation of people who actually take this shit seriously. I find his commentary hilarious and thus can overlook the blatant objectification of women's body parts. that makes me a bad feminist, but I'm okay with that (because who doesn't want to see Emma Watson's almost nip slip?!)

5) Regretsy : If you've ever been to etsy.com you'll know that there are some treasures to be found. This is not the site for that. Regretsy, as its name would suggest, highlights all the weird and horribly bad things one can find on etsy. April, the author of this blog, is sarcastic and snarky and thus funny. If that doesn't work out, a lot of the images speak for themselves. With all this craziness comes an entire set of memes that one must learn from reading from the very first page to the most current one. The website is a year old, so that's a lot of reading to do. But not to worry, you can still understand what's going on without doing that. Just remember, whimsicle fuckery [the typo is on purpose] is the name of the game.

After thinking about the 5 blogs I've linked I can see that I like snarky commentary and lols for my internet reading material. I hope you do too :3 <3

And now, for a letter to someone that has hurt me greatly/who I would like to die in a fire.

Dear Stephanie Meyer,
I fucking hate you. Now, I'm sure you've heard this all from other radical heathens before, but hear me out. It pains me to admit this but I loved your series, I loved it so much I re-read each book several times and wished that I had my own Edward Cullen. I was 18-19 years old when I read it too, not some impressionable 13 year old girl. I am deeply embarrassed that I wasted my precious time on your crap novels. I am even more embarrassed because I know I will go see Breaking Dawn Parts 1 and 2 (you ripped that off from Harry Potter, you bitch).
Since you're a fan of lists as "edgy new literary techniques" I'll make one in the middle of my rageletter to you.
Reasons I don't like your books anymore/Why they should be burned and your right to publish things revoked
1) You are a misogynist. You might be asking yourself "wait, I'm a woman how could I hate women?". I don't know Stephanie, but it's clear from reading your books that women are meant to be subordinate to their male partner (and no lesbians are allowed either). This is probably partially influenced by your being a Mormon. A psychoanalyst might claim you hate yourself and that is reflected in your writing. This can't be true because the female characters in The Host were strong and capable (although Melanie did "need" Jared). But seriously, all the women who are attached to men are happy and content and all kinds of nauseating and boring adjectives. The women who do not have a "mate" are Victoria (who is a villain and hell-bent on killing your mary sue) and Leah Clearwater (who you call a bitter harpy numerous times and blame her for the ending of her relationship with Sam even though Sam imprinted on Emily and Leah had no control on that).

Which leads me to my next point:
2) Women in your stories do not do anything, things are done to them. There is no female choice in ANY of your books. Bella is TOLD by Edward to do things and she does them or he just forces her to do what he wants (kidnapping, removing cables from her truck so she can't drive it, standing guard around her house, he uses sex as a way to get her to marry him, he uses his "dazzling" ability to make her forget about why she's arguing with him). Rosalie and Esme are not given a choice by Carlisle to be turned into vampires rather they are just bitten to save them because they were so beautiful and innocent. Imprinting is the best example of this because all the wolves are Male (except for Leah and you make sure to point out that she is a genetic dead end because she is female and a wolf) and when they imprint it is automatic and there is "no choice". To make this seem less horrible, you claim it's true love and they're soul mates and all kinds of shit so that it doesn't seem like these females (because you have wolves that have imprinted on INFANTS) are being held hostage by crazy wolf obsession.

3) You insert Mormon propaganda into your books like it's your job. And maybe it is. Except you pay the church instead of them paying you. So is that like you bribing god to get into heaven? For those of you reading this, part of the whole LDS church business is a sort of due that members pay based on what they earn. Stephanie Meyer has made millions off the Twilight series and thus the LDS Church has too. That aside, the concept of imprinting also brings up the LDS belief in predestination and soul mates. Before someone is born to Earth they pick their future partner/mate and that is the person they will marry on earth. The diction you use describing imprinting is of possession, predestination and "soul mates". Jacob was DESTINED to be with the half-vampire half-human love child of his best friend and his worst enemy and thus HE WILL NOT AGE UNTIL THEIR KID IS OF AGE. Mmhmm. kay. For Jacob's case specifically this also ensures that Bella and Edward were DESTINED to be together because they HAD to create this baby for Jacob to imprint on. It's all just one predestined storyline. Also, the whole "turning Bella into a vampire" is a euphemism for SEX. Edward won't turn Bella until they're...MARRIED. SURPRISE. NO pre-marital vampirism. Oh hey, replace vampirism with sex and blood with vagina and you're set. "Don't change yourself into a vampire before we're married Bella, think about what it would do to your parents!"... "Don't have sex with me before we're married Bella, what would your parents say?!". So yeah, I'm all for 13 year olds being abstinent but abstinence only sex-ed only hurts the teenage population (this is why we have shows like Teen Mom. not the only reason, but one of many).

So, Stephanie Meyer let me sum it up for you so far: you hate women and love Christ's Church of the Latter Day Saints (and wtf does that even mean, the latter day saints? anyone?). Now, in my previous day's entry I said I was a bad feminist. But I am a feminist. You hate women and make them out to be pathetic if they don't have a "male partner" (read: master). You accuse Leah of being less than a "full woman" because she doesn't get a period (true story, guys). If a woman is defined only by her ability to reproduce then why do you glorify Alice, Rosalie and Esme who cannot have children? (oh, that's right, because they're white and Leah is not) The hypocrisy is just an added bonus to the clusterfuck of shittery that is the Twilight Series. Having a Mary Sue for a main character also makes your novels suck a whole lot because immediately there is NO substance to the character. You try really hard to convince your readers that Bella's a very interesting character but all she does is whine, trip and blame herself for things that were not her fault at all. She is pathetic and you are a horrible writer for using a Mary Sue. Your writing also just sucks. You don't need 5 adjectives to describe that Edward is looking at Bella. That must be why your novels average 400 pages.

In Conclusion, you have destroyed a generation of young readers. I grew up with Harry Potter and was delighted with the magical world JK created. I am enchanted by her characters and the endless possibilities presented in her world. Your characters are barely 1 dimensional and offer little for a reader to work with when trying to understand the character. The world of Twilight centers around this group of "vegetarian" (another reason i hate you) vampires and their little human pet and ALL THE DRAMA that leads to ANTICLIMAX. You spent 700 pages of breaking dawn building up to this EPIC battle between the Volturi and the Cullens/their witnesses/the wolves only for the Volturi to go "okay lol we can see we were wrong, bye". Seriously?! You suck. And not in a good way.
Love (but not really),
MeggyB

p.s: Expect an even longer letter when I have exact quotes and page numbers for you. Oh, and I'll use that leaked copy of Midnight Sun to highlight how you are okay with stalking if you're "in love" (even though in 2000ish pages I've never once been convinced Bella and Edward love each other)





So there you have it folks. Sorry if that rage was too much rage for you, but I get pretty worked up about it. Especially because my little cousin is reading this shit and thinks it's great but I can't explain why it's wrong to her without yelling or swearing.

Til tomorrow my loverly readers,
MeggyB